Me Minus You Equals Blue

Now for the weepie love story I promised.

The strange thing about C was that she didn't do much crying in school. She reserved that just for me. That's how much she loves me.

She didn't cry on the first day of school. I think it was only on Day 3 or 4 that reality sank in and she cried for a minute or so. It was loud and dramatic but it was over the moment I was out of her sight. The teachers were used to persistent criers so C was a breath of fresh air and they said she's such a dear.

Fast forward to the end of the day and the amiable C turns hostile. I picked her up from school and she was full of demands. She wanted to take a picture with the murals on the wall outside her classroom. I'm fine with taking photos but what she wanted was to take a shot with every single animal on that wall. By that, I do not mean a single shot that captures all the animals but one shot with each animal. Needless to say, that will take a long time. And I still have to pick E up from his school.

I obliged her with a few shots but that did not appease her. So the dearie that the teachers cooed over in the morning, plonked her butt firmly on the ground that evening and cries.

This time, the crying most definitely lasted for more than a minute. 

That was Week 1. The subsequent weeks followed a similar pattern revolving around different demands. If it's not the murals, it's the fish pond or just simply wanting to sit down on the steps and refusing to budge. So she has been carried off to the car bawling on most days.

Back home, we are inseparable. 

"Hold hands, mummy."

"I want mummy to carry me." (and when the hubby offers her his strong arms) Noooooo! Don't want daddy, mummmeeeeee!!!"

"Bathe me."

"Sit down with me."

"Feed me."

The list of demands goes on.

Withdrawal symptoms. I think it'll take her a while to get used to not having mummy by her side 24/7. After all, I have been with her from dawn till dusk since the day she was born. 

But she's doing fine in school. Eating and sleeping well and enjoying the activities. Though if you ask her if she likes school, her answer is,"I don't like. I want mummy."

Or maybe it's just her age. The terrorific twos. The rite of passage for all parents.

 I'm ready. Bring it on!

Posing with the animals outside her classroom

The Recess Dilemma

It's been a month since the kids started school and 2 weeks since I started work. E is in Primary 1 and C is now attending full day childcare.

How has it been for the kids? E is adapting very well to the new routine. He is in the afternoon session but gets dropped off at the student care based in his school in the morning. Despite the long hours, the only complaint I get is, "Mummy, I'm very hungry!" 

My fussy eater has developed a ravenous appetite overnight. He gets $2 thrice a week and food from home twice a week. And it's not like he is buying food that doesn't fill him. A typical recess meal for him consists of rice with meat and veggies (which costs $1) and he spends the rest of the money on some other food if he is not full. 

In fact, I have raised his pocket money from a dollar to two because he said he needs more food to be full. Initially, I had my concerns about his choice of food during recess because he isn't exactly a fan of vegetables. When he was at home, I could ensure he eats up every last strand of that offensive green thing whether he liked it or not. 

To my pleasant surprise, he has on his own accord been ordering vegetables with his rice. At home, he proudly proclaims that he is now a big boy and that there is no need to cut up his vegetables into tiny pieces.

Well, this might be a phase but I'm enjoying it while it lasts! And for friends who know me, I have also been eating my veggies :)

His latest complaint about recess - "I do not have time to visit the library. By the time I finish my food, the bells rings. Can I eat less?"

Then you will be even hungrier by the end of the day, my dear boy. You either have to eat faster or eat less but you have to deal with the hunger pangs. Anyway, I don't think you need to visit the library everyday.

"But I want to."

Fine. You decide.

And this is the dilemma of a freshly minted P1 boy. 

Now, what about C's foray into a world without mummy by her side 24/7? It's almost like a weepie love story. And that I'll recount in another post .....

First day at recess

Two Thumbs Up

I have a backlog of posts since December and the mere thought of having to play catch up makes me want to procrastinate all the more. 

But I have to get started, one post at a time. So here's one about the birthday girl.

C is now a feisty 2 year old. We celebrated her birthday in December with a trip to the zoo and a simple dinner at home with her grandparents.

The zoo affair was extremely exhausting as I was the solo parent (since the hubby couldn't take leave) with two kids who each have a mind of their own (and great minds don't think alike in their case).

The 6 year old is armed with a map, ready to dictate where to go. The 2 year old is wired with the instincts of a curious, first-time explorer of the zoo, ready to throw a tantrum when her whims and fancies aren't pandered to. 

Throw in an impatient mum and you get quite an explosive combination!

The night was a flurry of activity as well with us buying food, collecting the cake and running all these errands while it was pouring buckets. By the time the actual celebration started, I was ready to call it a night.

C probably doesn't know what a birthday is, but with all the attention showered on her; she seemed to know it was something special. She was exceptionally happy.

As we were taking photos and I was looking at her beaming face, a feeling which I can't find the right word to describe took hold of me. I was exhausted but seeing how happy she was made me willing, even eager to go through this whole crazy day all over again.

And then it dawned on me that this was exactly how I felt about the last two years.

I remember the sleep deprived nights. I congratulated myself for training my baby to sleep through the night at 3 months old, only to have her suddenly decide to turn the tables on me by waking up 2 to 3 times a night when she was 6 months old. And this lasted till she was 14 months old despite my best efforts to "retrain" her.

And then there was the sick SAHM situation which I absolutely abhor. I was running an almost 40 degrees fever and in between nursing the baby and changing diapers, I was shivering under the blanket, praying very hard that the baby will nap longer.

There were of course other moments of sheer exhaustion and frustration but those two situations topped the chart for testing my resilience to the utmost.

But that was in the past. And the battle scars of motherhood are etched deeply in my memory. The early years were tough but now they are treasured memories of my journey with C.

So as we celebrated her birthday that day, I remembered all the trying moments, smiled and gave thanks to God for the little girl who turned my world upside down.

Concerts: Then and Now

He was up when the rest of the family was still in bed. He came into the room and I grouchily murmured, "Why are you up so early?" It was a Saturday and I wanted to sleep in a little longer. It was unlike E to be cheery and chirpy in the morning. In fact, he usually has to be dragged out of bed with much protesting and always attempts to negotiate for five more minutes of laze in bed time. He happily announced, "It's the day of my concert. I need to be there early!" 

Okay, I got you but can you just leave me alone for five minutes! Looks like sleeping patterns run in the family.

Baby C woke up as soon as E came into the room. She's the bright spark in the morning, hardly grouchy when she wakes (unless she's unwell). She greets us with a big smile. By this point, everyone is wide awake except ... the Hubby. He has slept through thunderstorms and ear-splitting cries of uncooperative babies in the night. This slight disturbance early in the morning is obviously nothing to him. 

The kids to the rescue. They bounced on the bed and used their daddy as an obstacle to be scaled. Climbed over him, sat on top of him ... Baby C has this habit of literally peeling your eyelids open when she wants you to wake up. You can't be sleeping when she's awake. She's bossy that way. With all that ruckus, it's much safer to be awake lest you get mauled. And as usual, it's a mad rush out of the house.

E wanted to be sure that we'll be there to watch his performance. He said that he didn't see us at his concert last year. We were there but we were seated at the back so he couldn't see us. This time, we were seated at the second row and waved enthusiastically when he was on stage so he won't miss us.

This sensitive side of him is often overshadowed by his boisterous personality where he appears to be nonchalant about stuff. It's easy to forget that deep inside, he's a sensitive boy who needs lots of affirmation and is someone who actually loves plenty of physical affection (his primary love language is touch). 

I think I'm supposed to feel emotional on a day like this. After all, it's his graduation concert. Well, it's a bit challenging to get into the mood when I have a two year old who suddenly decides that she misses her brother and whines whenever she can't see him on stage. Then there is the grabbing of the camera and the wielding of it like she's some sort of pro. I had to wrest the camera from her grasp and attempted to take some decent shots without losing my cool.

It was only when I was back home and looking through the photos from his past concerts that I felt the passage of time. I remembered the emotions when I saw E at his very first concert. The pride at seeing my spunky little three year old on stage. That flashback made my six year old seem all the more grown up.

Since I didn't have a blog during E's early years, let me do some reminiscing here. 

Pre-nursery Concert

Nursery Concert. The day before Baby C was born.

K1 Concert. Introducing a newbie concert goer for the year 2011.

Hmm ....

K2 Graduation and Concert

The not so little hunk in my life

A Special Place In My Heart

I felt a teeny weeny urge to write so I thought I should seize this fleeting moment before this post gets put on the backburner. And this post must see the light of day as it is about a very significant milestone. E's 6th birthday.

There I got a few sentences out. I think half the battle is won. I should be able to finally finish writing this overdue post (his birthday was more than a week ago).

6 years ago, I was a hapless mum of one. It was a surreal experience at the beginning. Then it morphed into a gut wrenching, tears spilling, emotional roller coaster kind of a journey.

Motherhood. The blues. The guilt. I wasn't quite ready.

It took me almost a year to fully embrace motherhood. I loved my baby boy intensely but I was struggling with conflicting emotions. It didn't help that E was not an easy baby. And with the onset of the terrible twos, he was literally quite the terror!

But I was also captivated. I remember telling my hubby that if we were to have another kid, I want a baby boy. Boys are cute in a rough and tumble kind of way. I couldn't imagine having a whiny, girly gal.

Now that I have Baby C, a paradigm shift is unavoidable. Girls are melt your heart adorable!

And I've since learned that boys whine.

Even at 6 years of age.

Well, the point is I was so in love with my little boy tot that I felt only boys could make me feel this way.

And now he is 6. He'll attend big kids school next year. I'll have less time with him. Yes, I gripe about him wearing me out with his persistent, strong-willed personality and secretly wish that I can distance myself from him when he pushes the wrong buttons. But I know I'll miss having him by my side when I have to let go and allow him to grow into his own.

So for now, I'll cherish the moments we have together. 

To my darling E, I love it when you give me a hug and say "I love you" at seemingly inopportune times (like when you are in the middle of a computer game). I think you take after your dad in this aspect (the man asked me to be his girlfriend at the carpark and proposed to me in front of the library). 

Do you remember the time I slammed the car door and your thumb got caught. It was swollen and bloody and you were wailing like crazy. I felt so incredibly bad. When the teacher asked you about it, you said you don't want to talk about it anymore because mummy already apologized. It was as if you were protecting me although I caused you harm.

I'm glad you have not outgrown kisses. How you'll gladly give me a kiss when I ask for one and smile shyly when I kiss you back. You love for daddy and I to read you bedtime stories, tuck you in bed and sleep beside you. And when we get up to go, you always say "why so fast"? 

You adore your sister. Just the other day, you protected her from another boy who was trying to push her whilst they were playing. And on several occasions, you asked me where mei mei was when you didn't see her; and told me not to lose her. When she smiles at you, you are delighted. When you thought she learned how to say your name, you rushed into the room to tell me; your face beaming with excitement and pride.

You are a sensitive, affectionate boy at heart. I apologize for the times I forget. For yelling at you before seeking to understand you. I need to constantly look beneath the loud and boisterous exterior. To unearth the treasure within. 

Our desire is for you to live life passionately, to be undefeated by setbacks and to aspire to purposes beyond your wildest imagination. God is your advocate and confidante. Know that you have a godly heritage and the legacy that you leave behind as you walk intimately with God will be one that impacts lives, communities and even nations.

You will always have a special place in my heart. Even when you are all grown up, I'll look back with nostalgia at our mother and son exploits, experiences that are uniquely ours. Happy Birthday, my boy - from one captivated mama.

Birthday celebration in school

Birthday celebration in church

E's idea of a memorable birthday is one spent with favourite friends. On the way to ExplorerKid with Uncle Gerald, Jet and Shaun

ONE Special Lady

Yet another overdue post. We celebrated Baby C's FIRST birthday about 2 weeks ago. No big birthday bash. I very much prefer smaller groups where the interaction is more personal. We had two birthday celebrations - one with our life group and another with my relatives. The birthday girl is obviously none the wiser but I'm sure she had her share of fun with the love and attention showered on her.

This adorable, melt your heart little lady has brought immense joy to our lives. E loves being around her and enjoys making her laugh. They play, they fight, they kiss ... she's great company for a boy who loves being around people. E wants more siblings (on a good day, the number can go up to 5) and a dog too. So I reckon he's cool about having to share the love and attention. NOT exactly what I have in mind. Well, that's fodder for another post.

 What has Baby C been up to? She talks with her mouth full (when she nurses) and ends up making funny, mumbling sounds. Shakes her legs and tries to stick her finger up my nostrils whilst nursing (had a few successful attempts much to my disgust and much to her delight). Seriously lacking in table manners!

She stuffs toys into her clothes and walks around with these unsightly bulges. Having gained confidence in walking, she now proceeds to climbing. She sprung a surprise on me when she climbed her brother's bed. I was at the computer and suddenly realized that she was really quiet. I turned around and there she was sitting on E's bed. She flashed me a cheeky smile and looked rather pleased with herself. And just this morning, she climbed or rather tumbled out of the play yard. Thankfully, she fell on her side and not right smack on the head. Looks like her days of being confined are over. More adventures await us ...

We love you, baby girl. No words can describe how much we love you. So we'll spend our lifetime showing you our love. And we pray that you'll come to experience the love of your Heavenly Father whose unconditional love far exceeds the love that we imperfect parents can give you.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17 -19)

Celebration with life group and friends

Baby C kicked the cake. The look on my face says it all!

Celebration at great grandma's. Love this photo.

Finally, it's cake cutting time. E has been waiting eagerly to eat it.

Almost One

It sure takes lots of discipline to blog consistently. The motivation is waning and I have been blogging for a grand total of 3 months. Only! 

I'm more of a daydreamer. I love to reflect, fantasize, brood (bad trait which I'm indulging in less ... makes me a more pleasant person to live with, right hubs :). And I absolutely enjoy having a conversation with myself. Out loud. Always in the confines of private abode and never in public domain. It is a great way to clarify my thoughts. I seldom pen down my thoughts. It takes away the romanticism of daydreaming. Ok. Maybe, it's just an excuse for sheer laziness.

No, I'm not about to abandon this blog. I already have 2 spurned ones in my blogging history. I do not want to be known as a serial blog hopper. Less procrastination, more discipline. Let me begin.

I should write more about Baby C as she is past growing in spurts and moving on to leaps and bounds (at least to proud mama here who gets irrationally high with every little milestone). I'm no record keeper (I did say I don't pen down much of anything) so no exact dates here.

Baby C was standing on her own (a record time of a split second before plonking her butt on the ground) about a week before we left for South Africa. I thought it'll be great if she started walking there. Well, the chances of her learning to walk in South Africa were pretty slim as she was being carried most of the time by plenty of enthusiastic people.

A week after we returned, she started practicing her new found skill with a vengeance. She would get into a squatting position and proceed to stand. Within days, she was standing firm. She took her first few tentative steps two weeks ago. I naively thought she'll be stomping around really soon but the little gal has decided that walking is a highly dangerous activity. Crawling was tried and tested, without the bumps that come with losing your balance. So she's still cruising and crawling until she gains enough confidence to try again.

And that's the difference between boys and girls (or different temperaments ... we did pray for Baby C to have a personality complementary to E's). The time taken for E to progress from wobbly first steps to walking like a pro was a couple of days to a week. He didn't bother much about falling. He was delighted at being able to move from one place to another at a more efficient speed. Risk taker? Or simply the impulsive nature of boys? Girls are supposedly more cautious and think about consequences before they act.

Other milestones include saying mama or mum mum. I don't think she is calling me. It's her way of saying booby time (whether for sustenance or comfort or when she's plain bored). And she's also into imitating people. Like violent shaking of her head followed by peals of laughter (thanks jie jie mei nu for this extremely attractive skill), placing her hand to her ear when we say hello (imitating us using the phone) and when we unknowingly make "ugly "expressions, she picks it up. She waves bye, claps her hands, clasps her hands to gesture gong xi gong xi, loves to make wa wa wa sounds by placing her hands to her mouth and "talks" to herself whilst playing with her toys.

She's turning one in December. I'm looking forward to having so much fun with my baby girl as she continues to learn new stuff. But I know I'll miss the baby days as she grows into a toddler. It almost makes me feel like having another baby. Thankfully, I am a girl and wired to think of the consequences before I act. So no impulsive acts for me. Recreation, yes. Procreation, NO!   

The first time she stood longer than a split second

Trying to  use her walker as a stool to escape from her "cage"

Guilty as charged

Double the Madness

I naively thought the probability of having two active kids was low. I was expecting gentle, demure. And for the first three months, Baby C seemed to display genteel characteristics. She didn't cry as loud as her brother. She would lie contentedly in my arms, with a lover's gaze. Until ......

She learnt to roll over, crawl, sit, pull herself up to a standing position. She discovered a whole new world of possibilities and was no longer the cooing newborn.

I suspect she's an adrenaline junkie. She loves to be thrown in the air. Likes to climb and pounce. Enjoys the sudden jolt of falling backwards. Her latest stunt involves the sudden arching of her back, the flinging of her body to fall "splat" onto her back. This she does with squeals of delight!

At eight months old, she knows how to play catch with her brother. When E approaches her with an "evil" glint in his eye, she makes her escape by crawling away, big smile on her face, obviously relishing the excitement. She's already undeniably active now, I wonder what it'll be like when she finds out her legs can bring her places. Sheer ecstasy. For her. Sheer exhaustion. For me.

Two kiddos who love action. Double the madness. Double the fun. Bring it on!!

My little trooper attempting a forward lunge over the bar. She did succeed after hanging precariously over the bar before finally toppling over.