The Recess Dilemma

It's been a month since the kids started school and 2 weeks since I started work. E is in Primary 1 and C is now attending full day childcare.

How has it been for the kids? E is adapting very well to the new routine. He is in the afternoon session but gets dropped off at the student care based in his school in the morning. Despite the long hours, the only complaint I get is, "Mummy, I'm very hungry!" 

My fussy eater has developed a ravenous appetite overnight. He gets $2 thrice a week and food from home twice a week. And it's not like he is buying food that doesn't fill him. A typical recess meal for him consists of rice with meat and veggies (which costs $1) and he spends the rest of the money on some other food if he is not full. 

In fact, I have raised his pocket money from a dollar to two because he said he needs more food to be full. Initially, I had my concerns about his choice of food during recess because he isn't exactly a fan of vegetables. When he was at home, I could ensure he eats up every last strand of that offensive green thing whether he liked it or not. 

To my pleasant surprise, he has on his own accord been ordering vegetables with his rice. At home, he proudly proclaims that he is now a big boy and that there is no need to cut up his vegetables into tiny pieces.

Well, this might be a phase but I'm enjoying it while it lasts! And for friends who know me, I have also been eating my veggies :)

His latest complaint about recess - "I do not have time to visit the library. By the time I finish my food, the bells rings. Can I eat less?"

Then you will be even hungrier by the end of the day, my dear boy. You either have to eat faster or eat less but you have to deal with the hunger pangs. Anyway, I don't think you need to visit the library everyday.

"But I want to."

Fine. You decide.

And this is the dilemma of a freshly minted P1 boy. 

Now, what about C's foray into a world without mummy by her side 24/7? It's almost like a weepie love story. And that I'll recount in another post .....

First day at recess

Concerts: Then and Now

He was up when the rest of the family was still in bed. He came into the room and I grouchily murmured, "Why are you up so early?" It was a Saturday and I wanted to sleep in a little longer. It was unlike E to be cheery and chirpy in the morning. In fact, he usually has to be dragged out of bed with much protesting and always attempts to negotiate for five more minutes of laze in bed time. He happily announced, "It's the day of my concert. I need to be there early!" 

Okay, I got you but can you just leave me alone for five minutes! Looks like sleeping patterns run in the family.

Baby C woke up as soon as E came into the room. She's the bright spark in the morning, hardly grouchy when she wakes (unless she's unwell). She greets us with a big smile. By this point, everyone is wide awake except ... the Hubby. He has slept through thunderstorms and ear-splitting cries of uncooperative babies in the night. This slight disturbance early in the morning is obviously nothing to him. 

The kids to the rescue. They bounced on the bed and used their daddy as an obstacle to be scaled. Climbed over him, sat on top of him ... Baby C has this habit of literally peeling your eyelids open when she wants you to wake up. You can't be sleeping when she's awake. She's bossy that way. With all that ruckus, it's much safer to be awake lest you get mauled. And as usual, it's a mad rush out of the house.

E wanted to be sure that we'll be there to watch his performance. He said that he didn't see us at his concert last year. We were there but we were seated at the back so he couldn't see us. This time, we were seated at the second row and waved enthusiastically when he was on stage so he won't miss us.

This sensitive side of him is often overshadowed by his boisterous personality where he appears to be nonchalant about stuff. It's easy to forget that deep inside, he's a sensitive boy who needs lots of affirmation and is someone who actually loves plenty of physical affection (his primary love language is touch). 

I think I'm supposed to feel emotional on a day like this. After all, it's his graduation concert. Well, it's a bit challenging to get into the mood when I have a two year old who suddenly decides that she misses her brother and whines whenever she can't see him on stage. Then there is the grabbing of the camera and the wielding of it like she's some sort of pro. I had to wrest the camera from her grasp and attempted to take some decent shots without losing my cool.

It was only when I was back home and looking through the photos from his past concerts that I felt the passage of time. I remembered the emotions when I saw E at his very first concert. The pride at seeing my spunky little three year old on stage. That flashback made my six year old seem all the more grown up.

Since I didn't have a blog during E's early years, let me do some reminiscing here. 

Pre-nursery Concert

Nursery Concert. The day before Baby C was born.

K1 Concert. Introducing a newbie concert goer for the year 2011.

Hmm ....

K2 Graduation and Concert

The not so little hunk in my life

Emotions In The Loo

I love this photo for the conflicting emotions captured. And the fact that it is shot in the toilet. I guess when you become a mum, you seize every opportunity to capture defining moments regardless of locale. 

And this photo aptly depicts the stage each child is at. E loves smiling for the camera and is very eager to pose for photos. He used to have this forced smile, a weird-looking grin when he was younger. He didn't really care for taking photos because that meant he had to sit still and sitting still when he was younger was a big deal to him! Now, he will be the one telling me where and when he wants to have a photo taken.

Baby C has her moods when it comes to photo-taking. It's not easy to get her to smile for photos unless it's a candid shot. When you ask her to smile, she'll simply tilt her head sideways - that's her smiling pose. The above shot was obviously taken when she was not in the mood. She didn't want to sit on the ledge, wanting to run around the toilet instead.

She'll turn 2 in four months time and she's getting more assertive and aggressive (just ask E about the hair-pulling and biting incidents). She just learned to say "no" and is using the word with relish. So here she was, very upset about being told to sit still while I took the photo.

I didn't manage to get 2 smiling faces, but it's a photo which will warm my heart; each time I look at it.

Linking up with:

To Be Or Not To Be

I'm in a dilemma. I never imagined myself agonizing over the choice of a primary school for E since I've been rather nonchalant about the entire P1 registration saga.

I thought I knew what was best for him but I'm not too sure now. I'm having an identity crisis of sorts, feeling schizophrenic; some days I'm a laissez faire mum and on other days, a tiger mum so ferocious, it scares the daylights out of me!

I've always believed that he would thrive in a relaxed school environment, one which allowed him to develop at his own pace. I had every intention of avoiding "branded" schools like the plague. Even if one of them was just round the corner, a 5 minutes drive away.

But that was based on the assumption that attending a "branded" school is a horror story in the making for my active, free-spirited boy. I decided to put aside my bias stand and did some research on the school near my place. It seemed not too scary after all. Stuff I actually liked. Collaborative group work, learning centres (and I thought these only existed in pre-schools) with hands-on activities (very important for E as he is a kinesthetic learner) and apparently some kind of class allocation which discourages elitism in the students. And I've also got some feedback from student care centres about this particular school having a manageable homework load for the P1s and 2s.

My experience with E's kindergarten(s) makes the dilemma even more pronounced. E had been attending full day childcare since he was 3. It was not an academic-focused environment. The principal did not believe in plying the kids with worksheets and spelling was introduced only in K2. E switched to a kindergarten this year since I was now home with the kids. The kids in this kindergarten were spelling enthusiastically (pardon the sarcasm) since K1. The environment was one that emphasized P1 readiness. It was a culture shock for both E and I.

The first month or so was stressful not just for E but for this generally laid-back mum. E was not used to spelling as he didn't experience it at his childcare centre. We were spending so much time learning spelling that it became this hateful thing we both dreaded! The poor boy had nightmares. He recounted one in which he dropped his vocabulary book (where the kids wrote their weekly spelling list) in the water. He said he was very scared because he couldn't retrieve it. And there was another rather amusing incident (on hindsight) when we were at my grandma's place. I lost my temper over how slow he was at getting the words right. I was told later that he actually approached his uneducated great grandma and pleaded with her to help him with his spelling!

He soon got the hang of spelling and actually liked it. To my surprise. In fact, he became highly motivated in learning spelling. He would remind me about the dates and request to be tested! This goes to show that he can thrive in a competitive environment but I'm not sure if the value reinforced during this process is one which I want to inculcate in my child. I feel that competitiveness simply for the sake of doing better than others is a deterrent to meaningful learning which springs from child-like curiosity.

He's now in another kindergarten. It was a difficult decision pulling him out and it had nothing to do with academics. He was coping well with schoolwork. Well, he did get complaints about being inattentive; which was expected since his personality wasn't made for conventional classroom learning.

He had anger issues at the previous school. There were repeated incidents which triggered angry outbursts. I found it strange because he didn't behave like that at home. These outbursts occurred because he felt he was being unfairly treated. Being more boisterous than the rest, he tends to get singled out even if he wasn't at fault. From my conversations with him, I figured he was feeling grossly misunderstood but did not know how to express his frustration. The last straw came when I was shown a video of him struggling and crying hysterically while a few teachers held him down so that the form teacher could film him misbehaving. I was told that I needed to be given visual evidence of his misdemeanour! Well, he exploded only because he knew he was being filmed and that video was going to be shown to me.

Despite all the drama, he still enjoyed going to school. He enjoyed the friendships in school so I wasn't too sure about uprooting him just after 2 terms and having him adapt to a new school environment for the next 2 terms. And I didn't want him to think that he could change schools whenever he faced some kind of challenge. Happiness does not always follow the path of least resistance. Resilience is one value I hope to inculcate in him so I didn't want to convey the wrong message by withdrawing him. But I was also very concerned about his self-esteem being battered (at such a young age). A friend said that there will be plenty of opportunities for him to experience the "cruel" world so get him out of there! And I did!  

His current kindergarten is very different from the previous one. It adopts a play-based approach to learning. The emphasis was on hands-on activities, cultivating a love for reading and creative writing. He had no problems adapting since he loved making new friends. He enjoyed school as usual but what I noticed was diminished motivation in completing his homework, learning spelling. I suppose it's because the new school is laid-back in the academic sense as compared to the previous one.

Let's just say I had the privilege of seeing him in two completely different school settings and now am confused as to whether putting him in a more relaxed school setting will result in me raising an underachiever. I'm not talking solely in terms of academic results but an underachiever mindset which has him choosing the easy way out and this applies to all of life.

But I am also not too convinced about supposedly healthy competition which makes one strive for excellence. What is the motivation for excellence? The line between doing your best and doing better than others is often blurred.

Perhaps the major determinant are the teachers, but I have absolutely no control over that. Caring, dedicated teachers who rise above the academic hoo-hah and see the child as a whole person needing to be guided, nurtured and affirmed. Teachers who can engage, manage and inspire kids like E. We have been praying for teachers like that to be in E's life.

Will I find teachers like that in a top school or will they be driven to deliver drool-worthy academic results at the expense of a child's love for learning and self-esteem. I guess it won't be fair for me to stereotype teachers in top schools.

Maybe I'm thinking too much. I'm terrible at decision making because I think of far too many permutations. My hubby says it doesn't really matter which school as long as E is learning. That's the pragmatist speaking and I, the idealist am still mulling over the options!

Anyway, there's no guarantee of a place even though we live less than 1km away. Balloting is required. So maybe I should cast my lot and leave the result in the hands of God. The other school I'm considering (the one with a more relaxed culture but is a half an hour school bus ride away) will most likely not require balloting so even if E doesn't get a place in the first school, he'll still be able to get a place in the second school. Is that how I should do it?

I'm still more comfortable with making a decision based on convictions. Unfortunately, my convictions are a little messed up now and I need some clarity. And I've got less than a week to sort through this mental maze!

A Special Place In My Heart

I felt a teeny weeny urge to write so I thought I should seize this fleeting moment before this post gets put on the backburner. And this post must see the light of day as it is about a very significant milestone. E's 6th birthday.

There I got a few sentences out. I think half the battle is won. I should be able to finally finish writing this overdue post (his birthday was more than a week ago).

6 years ago, I was a hapless mum of one. It was a surreal experience at the beginning. Then it morphed into a gut wrenching, tears spilling, emotional roller coaster kind of a journey.

Motherhood. The blues. The guilt. I wasn't quite ready.

It took me almost a year to fully embrace motherhood. I loved my baby boy intensely but I was struggling with conflicting emotions. It didn't help that E was not an easy baby. And with the onset of the terrible twos, he was literally quite the terror!

But I was also captivated. I remember telling my hubby that if we were to have another kid, I want a baby boy. Boys are cute in a rough and tumble kind of way. I couldn't imagine having a whiny, girly gal.

Now that I have Baby C, a paradigm shift is unavoidable. Girls are melt your heart adorable!

And I've since learned that boys whine.

Even at 6 years of age.

Well, the point is I was so in love with my little boy tot that I felt only boys could make me feel this way.

And now he is 6. He'll attend big kids school next year. I'll have less time with him. Yes, I gripe about him wearing me out with his persistent, strong-willed personality and secretly wish that I can distance myself from him when he pushes the wrong buttons. But I know I'll miss having him by my side when I have to let go and allow him to grow into his own.

So for now, I'll cherish the moments we have together. 

To my darling E, I love it when you give me a hug and say "I love you" at seemingly inopportune times (like when you are in the middle of a computer game). I think you take after your dad in this aspect (the man asked me to be his girlfriend at the carpark and proposed to me in front of the library). 

Do you remember the time I slammed the car door and your thumb got caught. It was swollen and bloody and you were wailing like crazy. I felt so incredibly bad. When the teacher asked you about it, you said you don't want to talk about it anymore because mummy already apologized. It was as if you were protecting me although I caused you harm.

I'm glad you have not outgrown kisses. How you'll gladly give me a kiss when I ask for one and smile shyly when I kiss you back. You love for daddy and I to read you bedtime stories, tuck you in bed and sleep beside you. And when we get up to go, you always say "why so fast"? 

You adore your sister. Just the other day, you protected her from another boy who was trying to push her whilst they were playing. And on several occasions, you asked me where mei mei was when you didn't see her; and told me not to lose her. When she smiles at you, you are delighted. When you thought she learned how to say your name, you rushed into the room to tell me; your face beaming with excitement and pride.

You are a sensitive, affectionate boy at heart. I apologize for the times I forget. For yelling at you before seeking to understand you. I need to constantly look beneath the loud and boisterous exterior. To unearth the treasure within. 

Our desire is for you to live life passionately, to be undefeated by setbacks and to aspire to purposes beyond your wildest imagination. God is your advocate and confidante. Know that you have a godly heritage and the legacy that you leave behind as you walk intimately with God will be one that impacts lives, communities and even nations.

You will always have a special place in my heart. Even when you are all grown up, I'll look back with nostalgia at our mother and son exploits, experiences that are uniquely ours. Happy Birthday, my boy - from one captivated mama.

Birthday celebration in school

Birthday celebration in church

E's idea of a memorable birthday is one spent with favourite friends. On the way to ExplorerKid with Uncle Gerald, Jet and Shaun

Lessons on Wheels

The value of learning a new sport goes beyond the obvious physical benefits. E had his first inline skating lesson on Sunday and it was very interesting to see him in action

The first part of the lesson was monotonous and exhausting. E had to practise the basics repeatedly on a grass patch. He sneaked longing glances at a group of kids who were whizzing around on their blades. He must be feeling somewhat immobilized and bored stiff, performing what seemed like meaningless and repetitive tasks. He wanted to soar but had to first go through the grind. 

It became even more challenging when he moved from the grass patch to the ground. He kept falling and had difficulty getting up. So it was back to the grass patch to relearn the basic techniques. I think it is especially frustrating for a kid with his personality. He is impatient, likes to take short cuts and has trouble focusing on the task at hand (when it gets boring). And that is precisely why this sort of training is ideal for him.

Progress was painfully slow. It did not help that his instructor was getting impatient with him. E was getting distracted and the instructor kept on saying,"Are you listening to me?" 

What happened next was very enlightening.

Another instructor took over. She was patient and affirming. She praised E for his effort and for whatever little progress he made. The change in E was evident. He was struggling a while ago but progressed quickly with coaching from the second instructor. 

What I witnessed here made me realize (with a stronger conviction) what I've always known but failed to take seriously. E needs a lot of affirmation in order to be motivated. Seeing the power of affirmation at work before my very eyes jolted me out of my complacency. I was complacent with my young child's vulnerable self-esteem. I was dishing out affirmation in bite-sized portions but was generous with angry, careless words.

With this new found confidence, E started to give instructions to another boy who was still a little wobbly. The bossy side emerged or to say it affirmatively, it's the leader in him :)

The instructor asked E to rest but he said he was not tired and wanted to keep learning. I was pleasantly surprised. I hope the process of learning a new sport will teach E perseverance. I want him to experience for himself, hard work pays off. The joy and satisfaction of accomplishment will not elude him if he puts in his very best. 

I'm so proud of you, my boy, for not giving up even when you were discouraged and tired.

What an enriching lesson for both mummy and son. In fact, it was an enriching time for the whole family. Hubby and I took turns to jog and Baby C had fun picking up sticks and leaves. After procrastinating for ages, I'm glad to finally put on my running shoes.

It's going to be a regular affair because E will be having lessons twice a week. Since we are at the park, we might as well go for a jog. Looks like the decision to sign E up for lessons is a very wise one! 

E and I at the trial class

E's first lesson the next day. Trying to keep his balance

A new friend

Yippee! On the move at last!

Baby C loves the great outdoors too

New School Enthusiasts

E started the new year in a new school. He was looking forward to it. I was too. Though my enthusiasm wasn't exactly fueled by noble reasons. We had the following conversations about school in the first week.

Conversation 1 (On the first day of school)

ME: You are going to school today. The NEW school.

E: I know why you want me to go to school. So you can do your own things.

Ahem. Was it that obvious? I was secretly counting down the days to the new school term. I wasn't used to having him with me the whole day for an extended period. He has been attending a childcare centre since he was three. Well, there was a 9 months stint at home when he was entering the terrible twos and needless to say; was a physically and emotionally exhausting time. It was first time SAHM meets Tantrum Throwing Spitfire. A rude culture shock.

But it was rewarding despite the challenges and a very precious time in our journey together as mother and son. A time I learned much about myself and also really got to know my spunky kid.

Fast forward three years later, it is yet another opportune time to connect with E on a deeper level. I've had the luxury of devoting myself fully to caring for Baby C the past year since E was in full day childcare. I felt like I wasn't spending enough time with E and the decision was made to enrol him in a kindergarten in 2012.

He has been home with me since December and let's just say the emotions involved were reminiscent of the terrible twos days. It is definitely more manageable than before. We are both older and more temperate (just a little more mellow and a little less fiery). That helps I guess. 

The thing is we are both so similar. I think the main cause of conflict is our ability to feel emotions intensely and our need to be in control thus leading to countless power struggles and emotional outbursts. Some experts give advice about choosing our battles wisely when it comes to dealing with strong-willed children. I find it hard to follow that piece of advice and seem to declare war ever so often. I'm anal and adamant about even inconsequential things since I have this strong need to be in control and have things done my way.

And we ever did the crying in each other's arms scene after a major showdown. How's that for drama? 

So I'm glad for the respite from our intense interaction when the new year began. E spends 4 hours in school in the afternoon and Baby C naps during that time. Great for indulging in a bit of me time!

Conversation 2

 

ME: Hurry. You are going to be late for school.

E: Which school?

ME: Huh? The new school of course. You won't be going back to your old school.

E: Oh. So when the new school becomes old, can I go to another new school?

ME: ???

Should I be glad that I need not worry about his ability to adapt to new environments or should I be concerned about his need for novelty?

Baby C is enjoying the walks to and from E's school

Having fun at the playground after school

One of the bonuses of having E in a kindergarten instead of being in full day childcare is that the siblings get to spend more time with each other. For that, I'm truly grateful. It is immensely heartwarming to see them enjoy each other.

Long-haired Hero

E hasn't had a haircut for a long time. I think he looks much better with longer hair. When his hair is cut too short, his ears stick out. Well, he has made his choice.

Me: Do you want to cut your hair or keep it long?

E: I don't want to cut it. I want to be strong.

Me: Huh???

E: Samson is not strong after his hair was cut.

We have been reading bible stories and his favourite bible stories are David & Goliath, Samson ... you know those stories with battles and heroes. Boys!!

The Toilet Seat

The infamous squabble between couples over the toilet seat. Now that doesn't happen at our home. I'm anal about a lot of stuff but the toilet seat?? Nah, it doesn't bother me one bit if the seat is up or down. Just pee and get it over and done with. What's the big deal?

So I was amused when I heard hubs asking our son, "Why do you always leave the seat down? It should be up when you pee!" Our dear son has not honed his aiming skills. Thus mini puddles are left behind on the seat that is down.

Unfortunately, that is not within my purview. Training our son to aim properly is a heavy responsibility for the dad. I mean you don't want the poor boy to grow up being a menace in the public toilets just cos he can't aim for the life of him. And for toilet training 102 (101 is when they are learning to do without diapers), throw in a module on proper toilet etiquette. Stuff like keep his eyes to himself when he's at the urinal (of utmost importance).

I'm sure you guys will enjoy this session of male bonding thoroughly. Meanwhile, I'll wait for our daughter to grow up so we can do sweet-smelling, girly stuff together.